he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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