I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
