My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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