I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
