And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Randomize
