idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
