a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
