it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize