the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Panties = found
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
