this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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