Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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