Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
