I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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