I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
