When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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