I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
birth control should be required to get into college
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
