did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
