just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
