sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
