He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
