How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
