she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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