If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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