this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
