Having a random hookup so left but love u
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
