Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
