totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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