i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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