You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
