i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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