I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
