We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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