dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
