I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
