remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
