took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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