At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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