What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
