So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
