Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
