eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
