can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
