Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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