i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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