Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize