So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
