We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We're too hungover to prance.
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