just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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