I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
