How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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