if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think a kid would responsible me up
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize