There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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