Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
