I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
