Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
