9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Randomize
