dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
