even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
