I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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