I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
