I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
