I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's just like the Real World with babies
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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