Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize