Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
