she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
