I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
