Where is the hickey?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
