no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
