He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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