So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My life is pants optional.
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