he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
