dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
