I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
being pregnant is like rehab
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Randomize
