**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
