and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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